Hurts Like Cavities
by Mallobaude
Summary: It started out so promising. Ruby found a best friend turned boyfriend. Yang was happy her baby sister had made a new friend and more. Weiss was happy to have someone else as a target of Ruby's energy. And Blake was able to enjoy some peace and quiet to read her books. It had been perfect. So why did the three feel the need to break the lovers up now? Cover art by RottenCustard.
1. Chapter 1

It had started so innocently. And much to her surprise, Weiss had been delighted.

Sure, she hadn't always been the kindest of girls when she shot down Jaune's advances. Why should she have been? She knew what he wanted. Money. Fame. The perks of dating a Schnee. She'd heard it all before back in Atlas. Being courted by dozens of boys from prominent families hoping to win her favor and take a place in her prestigious family. Just as her own father had.

That was why it had come as a shock when Jaune gave up his pursuit of her entirely. When he had not only helped her out by making Neptune come talk to her, but also by replacing the spot she once held in his heart. It had been a pleasant surprise to learn that Jaune and Ruby had bonded over their mutual awkwardness at the dance and decided to give a relationship a shot.

That pleasantness had lasted all but a day before Weiss had a change of heart.

"Ruby, have you tried the peas?" Jaune asked, gazing lovingly into the equally love-struck silver eyes of the girl next to him.

This wasn't anything new. No, after the first time it had gotten very old very fast. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner had become dreaded times of the day for Weiss. Even more so than Professor Port's classes. She knew she wasn't alone in the feeling as well.

"No, Jaune," the redhead replied. "I don't think I've had any. But I'd love to try them."

_Of course you would,_ Weiss thought bitterly. _Jaune could ask about Zwei's dog food and you'd love to try it._

"Weeeellll," he smiled. "It just so happens that I have some extra that I wouldn't mind sharing with you."

Weiss looked down to his plate. Sure enough, there was a mountain of peas sitting there.

"I'd be delighted to share your food, Jaune."

"Okay, Ruby," he said as he scooped up a spoonful of the peas. "Say 'aaah'."

Ruby closed her eyes happily and opened her mouth. "Aaah."

With a delicate motion of his wrist, Jaune slipped the spoon inside Ruby's mouth and she clamped it shut. The blissful silence wouldn't last, however, as he slid the utensil out and Ruby began to chew. A pleasurable groan slipped past her lips as her eyes opened again.

Around her, their friends reacted in much the same way Weiss did. Well, some of them at least. Yang and Blake appeared to be struggling to hold back their own disgust at the amorous scene. Pyrrha put on a brave face, but Weiss knew that she probably lamented her lack of action prior to the dance, allowing a far more proactive Ruby to swoop in from under her and put a stranglehold on Jaune's heart. Only Ren and Nora seemed unaffected, the stoic boy calm as always, while Nora's eyes glimmered with thought and possibility as she studied the display.

"Mmm, you were right, Jaune. Those peas are so yummy."

"Yummy, and will help keep my beautiful huntress girlfriend strong and healthy to kill all the Grimm in the world." He slipped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze.

"Aww, you're so sweet, Jaune," she cooed. Her eyes drifted to her own plate, and the serene smile she wore widened just a little bit more. "But now that I think of it, you could probably us some extra protein in your diet. You're a strong, growing young man after all."

He smiled back at her warmly. "Only as strong as the woman by my side helping me every day."

"Oh stop it, babe, you're gonna make me blush." As if to emphasize the words, Ruby buried her face against his shoulder where she nuzzled it softly. She remained there for a few seconds before coming back up. "I just so happen to have some chicken left that I'm too full to eat. Your turn now~!" she sang.

Weiss felt her teeth clench as she watched Ruby pluck a strip of white meat off the plate with her fork and held it out tantalizingly close to Jaune's mouth. She slipped it past his teeth and he chomped down to devour it all in one bite. Much like Ruby, a blissful groan sounded in his throat as he chewed it.

"I'm so lucky to have a girlfriend who always has my back," he said happily. "And one who'll feed me free meat. You're a guy's dream come true."

"Always," Ruby agreed. "My man needs his protein to hold me with those big strong arms of his, and I'm happy to provide." Her lips parted, and silver eyes widened in shock. "Uh oh. Looks like you got a little something on your face, Jaune."

The blond boy picked up a napkin and lightly dabbed his cheek. "Did I get it?"

Ruby shook her head. "Nope!" she said just a bit too eagerly. "Here, let me help."

Her partner reached over and planted a short but firm kiss on Jaune's cheek. They had long since gone past the point of embarrassment or hesitation when it came to public displays of affection, much to Weiss' chagrin. Both teens were practically glowing by the time they were staring into each other's eyes again.

"There. I think I got it."

"Thank you, Ruby. You're the best." Jaune's face suddenly fell now. "But it looks like it may have gotten on your face."

"Well we can't have that." The bad acting was palpable in the air. Weiss wanted to scream. "Sadly I don't have a mirror. Mind helping me out?"

"I'd be happy to, Ruby." Jaune leaned in and gave Ruby a loving peck on the cheek now, much to the delight of the younger girl as she beamed happily. Jaune pulled back now, barely able to contain his own grin. "All better."

"Yay!" she softly cheered. "Whoops. Looks like I missed a spot on you though."

Weiss' eye twitched.

"Oh dear. I'd be so lost without you, Ruby."

"Lemme just get that for you," she said as she leaned in closer to kiss Jaune once more.

Weiss snapped, slamming her palms down on the tabletop. "Just use a napkin already!"

The other two teens stopped in their tracks and looked over at Weiss. As did all their friends. As did most of the tables sitting around them.

Weiss closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and regretting her outburst. It was unbecoming of a Schnee to make such a public scene. Regardless of how sickeningly sweet her friends were being.

"I think Weiss and Neptune are having some... relationship issues," Ruby whispered to her boyfriend just a little too loudly.

Jaune frowned. "That's so sad," he whispered back.

The heiress stood up, the decision to flip the table as she did so being thwarted at the last moment by her own sense of pride and dignity. She stomped off in a huff rather than be forced to put up with her friend's disgusting displays of public affection any longer.

* * *

Yang had been over the moon when she learned that Ruby's first friend had become her boyfriend. What wasn't there to like about it? Jaune was a kind and caring boy. He had helped out Ruby on their first day at Beacon Academy when Yang herself had shoved her sister into the deep end of the pool and told her to sink or swim. And swim she had, admittedly with a little help from the blond boy.

Yes, Jaune was nice. Safe. Polite. A boy who would never take advantage of her sweet baby sister. Ruby had found another blond in her life who would do anything for her, and would be there to protect and defend the huntress-in-training with his life.

Where had it all gone so wrong?

Sitting here in the library after class, the answer became readily apparent. As always, Ruby and Jaune were seated next to each other. Obnoxiously close. Close enough so that her sister might as well be sitting in the boy's lap.

"I love you, Big Boy," her little sister said lovingly to her tall boyfriend.

"I love you more, Pumpkin Pie," the boy responded to the term of endearment with an equally inane one of his own.

At first it had been cute. The two had begun coming up with pet names for each other, and Yang herself had cooed at the adorable display. Who knew that Ruby had it in her to be such a girly-girl? Yang sure didn't. Not when Ruby's life up until this point had consisted of her love for weapons, slaying Grimm, and becoming a huntress. She never knew her darling baby sister had this side to her.

She wished she had never been forced to find out.

"Nuh uh," the redhead protested. "I love you more, Pudding Pop."

"Impossible," Jaune countered. "My love for you burns hotter than fire dust, Hunny Bun."

Gag. That's all Yang wanted to do when they got into these sorts of discussions. If one could even call them discussions. Professor Port's lessons had more substance to them than these... pet name competitions.

"My love for you is bigger than a Goliath, Lover Boy."

Hey! That was her line!

"Well my love for you is stronger than an Ursa Major, Sweetie Pie."

"Oh yeah? Well my love for you is so strong it shattered the moon, Snugglekins."

If that was true, Yang hoped that their love would destroy Remnant next. She didn't want to live on a world where something so disgusting existed. Not even the Grimm were as foul as Ruby and Jaune's displays of affection.

"My love for you could fix the moon, Angel Eyes."

Seriously. Yang knew that this was Ruby's first boyfriend. That it was young, innocent, teenage love. But this was getting out of hand. Didn't they realize that the rest of them were trying to study? Loathe as Yang was to admit it, she'd much rather do this history homework they had gotten from Dr. Oobleck than listen to them drone on and on about how much they loved each other. It was like something out of a bad young adult romance novel. All that was missing were the vampires and werewolves.

"My love for you could wipe out all the Grimm in the world, Mister Muscles," Ruby shot back.

"That's not even physically possible, Sugar Plum," Jaune shot back lovingly.

"Neither are yours, Vomit Boy."

And in a heartbeat the mood in the room changed. Ruby had gone from a sickening term of endearment back to her very first nickname for the boy. One that didn't exactly carry a positive connotation with it. Or, looking down at her boots, a positive memory for Yang herself.

Jaune almost looked offended when he spoke next. "Crater face."

Uh oh. Yang remembered that one too. From a time when Ruby hadn't exactly been in a good place when it came to her eventual partner. Maybe she should intervene before things escalated...

Ruby's eyes had narrowed before the blonde girl even had a chance to speak. "Nerd!"

Jaune's did the same. "Dork!

"Klutz!"

"Spaz!"

"Dummy!"

"Dolt!"

Yang didn't even care that Jaune had borrowed that last one from Weiss' lexicon. She was too concerned with how both Ruby and Jaune were staring intently into one another's eyes. Was this it? Their first, and perhaps last fight?

The silence in the room was deafening. Seconds ticked by as neither moved. Neither relented. Until...

Ruby and Jaune both burst into laughter, smiling widely as their foreheads came together. They rested there for a moment before both their heads tilted sideways, and they shared a light, loving kiss.

"Love you," Ruby said softly. "Let's never fight again."

"Never again," Jaune echoed. "And I love you more," he continued, beginning the argument all over again.

"Not as much as me, Snuggle Muffin."

"Just as much as you and more, Strawberry Shortcake," he grinned.

"What if we both love each other equally?" she gasped.

Jaune's eyes lit up with child-like wonder. "Like, love you times infinity?"

"Like times infinity plus one!" Ruby exclaimed excitedly.

The two wrapped their arms around one another, squeezing their bodies together so hard that Yang thought for a moment that they might merge with each other like a pair of gelatinous blobs.

"Love you times infinity plus one!" the pair of idiots shouted at the same time even as their cheeks pressed together.

Yang stood up without a word. First boyfriend or not, this was absolutely ridiculous. It wasn't that she was jealous of the fact that no boy had ever treated her like that. She wasn't! But why did her sister have to go flaunting her love and happiness around like that for everyone to see? Didn't Ruby know that people didn't want to see others in perfect, happy relationships? That it wasn't right to show off the fact that you'd found someone so great and special to the rest of the sad, lonely world!

She needed some fresh air. More specifically, fresh air away from the two lovebirds who were threatening to make her lose her lunch and become Vomit Girl herself. Even as she stalked away from the table, the word 'love' continued to be uttered over and over behind her, its noise becoming akin to nails on a chalkboard.

* * *

Blake's feline ears laid as flat atop her head as her body did on her bed. The noises coming from just across the small space of her team's dorm room were grating.

A pair of golden eyes tried and failed to focus on the book she was trying to enjoy before bed. Nights in Team RWBY's dorm used to be a quiet, peaceful time. Ruby would read a comic book up in her bunk. Weiss would fuss over her hair in the bathroom. Yang would enjoy some mobile game on her scroll right above her. But now?

"No, you hang up first," the sound of her leader's voice pierced the room.

Fingers gripped the pages of her graphic novel tightly. Focusing on the same scene which she'd been staring at for the past two minutes.

"Nope! You!" Ruby ordered, her light and giggly tone holding zero power to sway anyone to meet her demands.

Blake finally gave up on her reading material, peering over to the other side of the room to see Ruby lying flat on her stomach upon the top bunk. The girl's elbows rested on the pillow, propping up her neck and head as she pressed her scroll to her ear. Legs kicked up and down excitedly as she enjoyed her usual late night conversation with her boyfriend.

Jaune must have said something funny or embarrassing, but not even Blake's set of faunus ears could pick up what it was through the scroll. All she could see was Ruby's reaction as she happily buried her face down into her pillow, stifling a soft, girlish giggle in the process.

"Nuh uh, you have to hang up first!" she insisted. "I did the last time!" A pause as the redhead listened to the boy's response. "Yes I did!"

It was too late to get a new team. That was unfortunate. Things had started out so wonderfully with her team. With her second family. Blake had found a wonderful and caring partner in Yang, who had managed to knock the faunus girl's walls down and show that she truly cared for her. A strong and motivated leader in Ruby who valued justice just as much as the former terrorist. Blake had even befriended Weiss Schnee, and learned that not all humans, and especially not all Schnees, were as terrible as she had been brought up to believe.

Right now, however, Blake wanted out. She wanted to escape from what Ruby had become.

"Jaaaaaaune!" Ruby squealed with no small trace of embarrassment. Her red-tinted face had returned to the pillow, and she shook her head back and forth in its soft comfort to try and deal with whatever lovey dovey thing Jaune had just said to her.

It was good Weiss was in the bathroom doing her own thing. She probably would have exploded with rage by this point. It was a wonder Yang's own had hadn't been set ablaze. Perhaps she was simply getting used to her younger sister's romantic shenanigans.

"Okay, we'll hang up at the same time," Ruby suggested. Blake hoped that Jaune would agree to those terms. The sooner this childish drivel ended the better. "On three." A pause. "No, not after three. Actually on three."

Blake was happy that was cleared up. She would have hated for them to have gone through all that only for them to have to do it all over again because one of the two didn't follow the rules properly.

"Okay. Ready? One. Two... three!"

The faunus girl watched with utter indifference as Ruby did not hang up her scroll. Rather, she held it in front of her face for a moment, staring at it like some sort of beautiful work of art before placing it back against her ear.

"Jaaaaaaaune! You didn't hang up!" she whined accusingly. News flash, Ruby. You didn't either. You both broke the treaty. "That's because I knew you wouldn't!" she argued, undoubtedly in response to Jaune pointing out that she too remained on her scroll. "Ugh, you're the worst!" she laughed.

No. They were both the worst. Perhaps they really were made for each other.

"Well if neither of us hangs up we're going to be up all night!" Blake watched as a stupid grin spread across Ruby's lips. "I wouldn't mind either..." she said in a lower, more bashful tone.

Blake's eyes widened. No. No. No. Absolutely not. She was not going to be stuck all night listening to a pair of lovebirds talking on their scrolls.

"So... whatcha doing?" Ruby asked as she flipped over onto her back now.

_Hmm, I wonder,_ Blake thought sarcastically. _Could it be that he's on his scroll across the hall talking to you?_

"Me too. Ugh it sucks that it's so late! I wanna see you..."

_So do it._

"Yeah, but Yang'll probably tell me I can't." The redhead glanced over at the top bunk across from her own. "And that I shouldn't go out in my pajamas."

Truth be told it wasn't _that_ late. Only around eleven at night. Besides, Yang held no sway over Ruby here. If anything, being leader meant that she could order her older sister around.

"I like your cute bunny pajamas too..." Ruby said softly, threatening to melt into a bubbly mess of girlish glee if her tone was anything to go by.

To Blake's surprise the mattress above her squeaked, and Yang leapt down onto the floor with a dull thump. Clad in her own tank top and sleeping shorts, she strode the last couple steps to go stand beside Ruby's bed.

"Ruby?" the blonde asked forcefully.

"Hold on, Jaune," the other girl said hurriedly before removing the scroll from her cheek. "Yeah?"

"Go see Jaune. Right now."

Silver eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes. Go. Hurry. Run."

Ruby gushed with excitement as she put the scroll back to her face. "Meet me in the hall, Jaune! Let's go get a late night snack from the kitchen!"

Wasting little time, the pajama-clad redhead jumped down from her own bunk an rushed out the door. She didn't even put any slippers or shoes on before she left.

Sweet, blissful silence filled the room. It was disturbed a few seconds later by the opening of the bathroom door. Like a small animal deeming it safe to emerge from its hiding place after a predator had moved on, Weiss stepped back into the room.

"Is it safe?" she asked nervously.

Yang nodded. "Yeah. For now."

A heavy breath slipped from the heiress' lips. She shook her head as she moved over to sit on her own bed. "I can't take any more of this," she admitted.

"I know what you mean," the blonde agreed.

Blake nodded wordlessly.

"I mean, I was happy for her when they got together," Yang continued. "But... I never thought that it'd turn into this. That they'd be like every annoying couple you see on TV and in movies all rolled together in one annoying package."

"It's absurd," Weiss added. "How could two people possibly be so in love?"

"First loves are new and wonderful experiences," Blake explained. "However, the honeymoon phase usually doesn't last nearly as long as it has for those two."

Yang's hands came up to her head to massage her temples. It said quite a lot that her sister and Jaune gave her a headache. "I just- I can't take it anymore! This has to end one way or another."

"End?" Weiss questioned.

The blonde took a deep breath, biting down on her lower lip briefly before continuing. "Guys, I hate to say it, but... for our own sanity..."

Weiss looked at the girl with confusion. Blake had an idea of what was coming next, and held her breath in disbelief.

"I think we need to get them to break up."

There it was. Blake could hardly believe the words had come from the lips of Ruby's own sister, but at this point she was hard-pressed to argue them.

"I find myself reluctantly agreeing," Weiss responded. "Though I find the idea of meddling in other's love lives distasteful, we came to this prestigious academy to become huntresses. Not to find true love."

"What if we could do both?" Blake offered.

"Since when did you become Miss Optimism," Yang questioned her partner.

Blake shrugged. "I'm not. It's just... what if we could find a way for Ruby to be together with Jaune and not be annoying?"

The door suddenly burst open and Ruby skipped back inside. The redhead grabbed her slippers from off the floor and quickly slipped her feet into them. "Man, I was about to go walking around Beacon barefoot!" She gently tapped her head with her knuckles. "I guess having such an amazing and wonderful boyfriend just makes you forget common sense sometimes."

Without uttering another word Ruby left her teammates alone again. After that latest outburst, the tension in the room was palpable.

"Yeah, they need time apart," Yang muttered bitterly.

"I couldn't agree more," Weiss seethed jealously.

Even Blake was left feeling envious of what Ruby and Jaune had. Her own experiences with love had been less than stellar up to this point. And Ruby had the gall to rub it in her face like that? Even if it was completely innocent and unintentional?

"Okay," the faunus agreed. "I'm in."

Yang took a deep breath and nodded. "Good. Tomorrow we'll get to work. Operation Split-Ruby-And-Jaune-Up is green lit."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Just another random Lancaster idea. I really enjoy writing Lancaster now. Nearly as much as White Knight these days...

I hope you all enjoyed this goofy fun. More to come. Will Yang, Weiss, and Blake succeed in breaking up Ruby and Jaune? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Hurts Like Cavities!


	2. Chapter 2

Operation Split-Ruby-And-Jaune-Up was on.

Weiss was still a tiny bit hesitant to actually go through with this plan. After all, she couldn't count the number of times her father had attempted to interfere in her personal life, or more specifically her love life, to try and set her up with suitors who were not to her liking. To try and dictate who Ruby could or couldn't be with did leave a bad taste in her mouth, however in the end she knew it was necessary.

It wasn't just for her own personal sanity. It was for Ruby's own good. As she had told the others the previous day, they were at Beacon Academy to become huntresses. To become the protectors of the world. The shields of humanity. Ruby couldn't do that to the best of her ability with her head somewhere in the clouds gushing over her perfect boyfriend.

Well guess what, Ruby? Jaune was _not_ perfect, and she was going to prove it! It was how she would help Ruby to see that this relationship was nothing more than a superficial teenage crush. One that she would quickly get over once her eyes saw the truth.

Sitting together with her partner in their dorm room, a carefully scheduled meeting where Blake and Yang were both conveniently out, Weiss struck.

"Ruby?" she questioned deliberately.

The redhead looked up from her scroll. "Yeah, Weiss?"

"Do you know what I value most in a partner?"

Ruby's tongue moved and played with the insides of her cheeks, and Weiss could see in her eyes that the girl was deep in thought. Something inside her head finally clicked, and her eyes lit up with realization. "The ability to deconstruct, clean, and then reconstruct a high impact sniper rifle to fire-ready condition in less than two minutes?"

It clearly wasn't what Weiss had in mind, but she couldn't say she was shocked. This _was_ Ruby she was speaking to, after all.

"No. Actually what I had in mind was-"

"You mean you don't appreciate how good I am with Crescent Rose?"

Weiss paused, taking a moment to collect herself while Ruby unintentionally attempted to throw her off-course. "Of course I do, Ruby," she said diplomatically, simply to placate her partner so that she could try to get her point across. "But what I was going to say was professionalism. Dependability. Two things that will save your life while in the field battling Grimm."

A smile curled on Ruby's lips, obviously thinking that Weiss was speaking about her in a positive manner. "Aww, Weiss. That's so nice of you to say. I like those things about you too."

The heiress put on the best false smile she could and nodded. If Ruby's misunderstanding helped her sleep at night, then so be it. "Quite so. It's why I sometimes wonder about..."

The redhead's head tilted ever so slightly. Curiosity was piqued in those wide, silver eyes of hers. "About what?"

_Hook, line, and sinker. _"I wonder about... Jaune."

Those wide eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What do you mean?"

_Time to go for the kill._ "It's just that, we're huntresses, Ruby," she explained. "People's lives depend on us and our ability to perform in the field. Our duties take a certain level of professionalism and maturity, and I'm not sure if someone who spends all their free time playing video games is up to the challenge."

Ruby's face fell, her lips curling down into a frown. Weiss hadn't wanted to sound so harsh, but desperate times requires desperate measures. "Oh. I think I know what you're getting at..."

Weiss nodded. "I'm sorry to be the one to have to bring it up like this."

Ruby nodded back, slowly and solemnly. "This is about me playing video games too much, isn't it? You're worried about my dedication to the team, and how it affects you as a partner."

Pale blue eyes widened. "W-what? No! No this isn't about you at all! This is about Jaune!"

Her partner sniffled. "I know... he trains so hard with Pyrrha every night. _Every night_, Weiss! And then there's me. Lazy old Ruby, a prodigy who got to come to Beacon two years early. And what do I do? I rest on my laurels! I slack off! I don't train! I draw funny pictures of Professor Port during class and instigate food fights! I'm a terrible partner, aren't I, Weiss?"

Weiss couldn't believe how badly Ruby had misinterpreted the message she was trying to convey. Rather than see Jaune in a bad light, she instead reflected on her own faults. This might have been a good conversation to have simply to address areas where Ruby could improve, but that really wasn't what Weiss was getting at this time. This was about Jaune and Jaune alone!

"Ruby, trust me. This isn't about you. This is about the person who reads comic books when they should be studying."

"Oh gods," Ruby croaked, tears beginning to form in her eyes. "You... you know about that? About how I hide comic books inside my textbooks when I pretend to do your boring interactive team study sessions? I'm so... so sorry, Weiss..." She sniffed again. "I'm a terrible partner and friend!" she wailed.

Weiss was losing her, and fast. She had to do something. Standing up, Weiss moved over to where Ruby was sobbing and did the one thing she never thought she would do. She wrapped her arms around her partner and pulled Ruby into a tight embrace.

"It's okay, Ruby," she whispered gently. "But what I'm trying to tell you is that Jaune is-"

"Jaune's the best!" Ruby cried, using Weiss' shoulder as a makeshift tissue for her leaking eyes and nose. Weiss blanched, noting that she would have to change her clothes and wash these immediately after this conversation. "If-if I had his work ethic maybe I'd be even stronger! Maybe I wouldn't have been taken prisoner at Mountain Glenn! M-maybe we'd have been able to stop the train!"

Ruby was gone now. A blubbering mess whose own insecurities and failings were blinding her to the point Weiss was trying to make. Every time she brought up a bad quality about Jaune, Ruby imposed it on herself. It made the heiress stop and think. Had Ruby and Jaune always been so similar in their interests and study habits?

"I... I need to go and see him," the younger girl said as she stood up, willingly freeing herself from her partner's embrace. Once upon a time Weiss would have been thrilled for Ruby to show that level of independence and sheer indifference to her displays of friendship. But right now wasn't the time or the place for Ruby to suddenly be so independent! "I-I need to tell Jaune how great he is and how much I appreciate him putting up with my slacking!"

Ruby rushed through the door, off to find her boyfriend so that she could cry on his shoulder. In her wake was a confused and frankly disappointed heiress, unable to believe that her attempt had failed so miserably at showing Ruby just how bad for her Jaune was. If anything, she had only succeeded in pushing Ruby closer to the boy.

Glancing down to her left shoulder, a damp spot left from Ruby's tears stained her white-blue bolero. As did a slimy trail of mucus that had come from the girl's dripping nose.

Weiss shrieked, her hands moving quickly to discard the soiled clothing and throw it over to the nearest corner of the room.

* * *

Weiss had failed in her attempt to split Ruby and Jaune apart. Yang wasn't surprised. Deep beneath that icy exterior, Weiss had a warm and innocent heart. She didn't have it in her to betray her partner and best friend.

Yang on the other hand... that was a different story. For her, this betrayal came from a place of love. A kind of love that could only be shared between sisters.

She hadn't wanted to go here, but it was for Ruby's own good. Relationships were built on a foundation of trust, and Jaune was lying to her right off the bat. It wasn't anything like a typical relationship lie, of course. There was no cheating. No past relationship turmoil that would rear its ugly head in the future. No secret love children. No, this lie was something that would hit much closer to home for Ruby. It was a lie about Jaune's very existence here at this academy. One which was difficult for Yang to expose, but expose it she had. For Ruby's own good. For her own sanity.

Telling Ruby that Jaune had forged his transcripts and lied to get into Beacon Academy hadn't been pretty. The look of absolute shock on her sister's face threatened to break Yang's heart, but it was the right thing to do. Jaune had lied to everyone about who he was. In reality he put them all at risk with his inexperience. Yeah he was a nice guy. Kind and sweet. He'd make a good boyfriend for any normal girl. Normal being the key word.

However, Ruby wasn't normal. Not because she was a weird, socially-awkward dork. But because she was a huntress. She needed a huntsman boyfriend. One who didn't lie about who he was.

Ruby had called Jaune to meet with her privately so that they could discuss the matter. Yang stood off in the back, there to supervise and oversee the outcome of what would undoubtedly be the end of their relationship. To be there for Ruby when she inevitably broke down in tears upon having to dump her first boyfriend. Yang took no pleasure in what was about to happen, but she knew it needed to. For Ruby's own safety and well-being. That was what she told herself, at least.

"Jaune," Ruby said softly. She took his hands in hers and led him over to one of the library tables. "We need to talk."

Yang swallowed a lump in her throat. It was the most classic line in ending a relationship. Apparently Jaune realized this as well, if his deer in the headlights expression was anything to go by.

_I'm so sorry, Jaune,_ Yang lamented. _You're a good guy. You are. But... you and Ruby just won't work out. Not when you two are so anno- not when your lie could get her hurt..._

"W-what's up, Ruby?" the boy asked equally as soft. Defeat laced his tone. Like he was resigned to the fact that he was about to be dumped.

"Jaune... I heard a rumor. And I wanna know if it's true..."

Jaune bit his lower lip gently. "What rumor?"

"Is it true that you lied about your transcripts to get into Beacon?"

Yang closed her eyes and breathed deeply. This was it. Like ripping off a band-aid, it was better to simply get it over with quickly. _I'll be there for you, Ruby,_ she thought. _And Pyrrha will be there for you, Jaune. Everything will work out in the end. I promise._

A heavy breath shot through his nose. "Well... yeah..." he admitted uneasily.

Ruby nodded, her own teeth sinking into her lip before continuing. "And that you didn't even have your Aura unlocked during the start of initiation? That if Pyrrha hadn't come along you'd probably be dead right now?"

See? He and Pyrrha were meant to be. She saved his life during initiation. Unlocked his Aura. Trained him. Jaune could have a redhead girlfriend, just not her sister. Yang sincerely doubted that Pyrrha would have the same kind of sickeningly-sweet romantic outbursts Ruby had. She and Jaune could be a perfectly normal couple with perfectly non-annoying romantic moments together.

"Ruby... I was going to tell you someday," Jaune said.

Yang's heart ached for the pain he felt. She didn't want Jaune to hurt. But at the same time she just couldn't take anymore of him and Ruby being together. And she justified it all with having Ruby's own safety in mind.

The boy sniffed, and he looked to be on the verge of tears. "It's just... it's just so hard to-"

"That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard!"

"What?" Jaune questioned quickly.

_What!_ Yang's mind screamed.

Placing her hands on Jaune's shoulders, Ruby used them to propel herself up and into Jaune as she wrapped her arms around his back and her legs around his waist. The blond boy was quick to catch her, his arms coming around her lower back to hold her in place against him and prevent her from falling to the ground.

"I never thought I'd meet anyone else who wanted to be a huntsman as much as me!" Ruby gushed. "But you do, Jaune! You risked your life to live your dream! That's the most amazing story I've ever heard in my life!"

Ruby planted the biggest, sloppiest kiss Yang had ever seen on Jaune's lips, forcing him to stumble backwards against a wall so that the two of them wouldn't topple over onto the floor. She held him in place, her affections so passionate that it looked like Ruby was eating his face. Yang could only watch in disbelief as her perfectly-crafted plan backfired on her.

When she finally had to come up for air, Ruby continued to gush over Jaune's lie. "I thought I was weird for being so into becoming a huntress. But you... you lied to become a huntsman. You could have went to jail." Her hands came up over her mouth as she gasped. "You could have _died_ out there with no Aura! You had no training. Just a guy with a sword and shield. And you were able to help _lead_ us during initiation!"

Yang looked on in disbelief. She knew it was over. Just like Weiss before her, she had failed. All she could do now was witness the gross, passionate fallout.

"You mean you're not mad?" Jaune asked incredulously.

"Mad?" Ruby questioned. "How could I be mad? This is your passion, Jaune! Just like mine! I can't believe that this is _another_ thing we have in common!"

The blonde girl shook her head. Just like Weiss, she had unwittingly brought the two idiots even closer together. Maybe... maybe they weren't such a bad match after all. Look at how happy they were. How happy Ruby was. Yang would do anything for her precious baby sister...

"Being a hero... a huntsman, was the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world," Jaune admitted. "That is, until I met you."

Ruby squeaked softly. "Ohh... babe..."

She peppered him with more soft kisses. Yang felt her heart breaking right then and there. How could she have tried to ruin what Ruby had?

Ruby came down from her position wrapped around Jaune's waist, and stood chest to chest with him with his back still against the wall. A hand reached up to cup his cheek. "You've improved so much since coming to Beacon. You really didn't know anything before you got here? No fighting skills? No Aura?"

Jaune shook his head. "Nope. Pyrrha unlocked my Aura and has been training me."

"Wow..." the redhead gasped. "And in like only six months you were able to take on an Ursa Major one versus one. You must be a total prodigy to go from nothing to badass in less than a year." Her eyes lit up with excitement. "A prodigy just like me!" she squealed. "We're both prodigies, Jaune! I've never felt closer to you than I do right now!"

Standing on the toes of her combat boots, Ruby planted another loving kiss on Jaune's lips. One he eagerly returned as his arms once more wrapped around her back to hold her close to him.

"My poor baby," she cooed gently. "You must have been so scared in the Emerald Forest when Ozpin launched you off the cliff."

"It was... a little tense."

Ruby nodded, nuzzling her head against his chest. "Never again. I'll never let anything hurt you. Not my big, sexy man. I love you so much, Jaune."

Jaune brought his lips down atop her head, placing a gentle kiss on her hair. "I love you too, Ruby."

"I need to send Pyrrha a gift basket," she mused. "If it wasn't for her you'd be Grimm food, and I never would have found my amazing huntsman boyfriend."

_Sure, Ruby. Why not do that and rub it in poor Pyrrha's face even more..._

Yang sighed. Her mission was a failure. As she turned to leave the two lovebirds to themselves in the library, she knew that it now fell entirely on Blake's shoulders to succeed where she and Weiss had failed.

The question was, did she really have the heart to want to see Blake succeed now?

* * *

Weiss had failed. Yang had failed. It all came down to her. Blake had no issue with that. It simply meant that she had to break out the big guns.

Ruby's partner may have been a softy at heart. Her sister may have had bonds which prevented her from doing harm to the other girl. Blake had no such restrictions. As such, she was going to see this plan through to the end. She would put an end to all their suffering, and it had nothing to do with any kind of jealousy over the pair of obnoxious lovers!

Only, they weren't _true_ lovers. No, not yet at least. And if Blake had it her way they never would be. What Ruby needed was a good old scared straight program. To learn what being in an adult relationship was all about. What _all_ guys were really after. Following their little chat, Ruby wouldn't want a thing to do with Jaune!

Weiss and Yang must have been out licking their wounds following their respective failures, as the faunus girl found Ruby alone in their dorm room. Perfect. An ideal opportunity for a good old birds and bees chat. Or would it be Nevermores and Lancers? Who cares! The point was that she was about to have a very important talk with Ruby. One which would solve all their problems.

Closing the door behind her, Blake took a deep breath. "Ruby. Do you have a moment?"

The girl looked up from her homework. It was important to get her schoolwork done, but this was _more_ important. "Sure, Blake. I've always got time for you. Seems like you and me never talk much one on one."

That may have been true in the past, but things were about to change. "I'm glad you're sitting down. This is important."

The younger girl set her pen down and gave Blake her undivided attention. "What is it?"

"It's... about Jaune."

Hands rose to her mouth. "Oh no! Is he okay?"

"He's fine," Blake waved off nonchalantly, and Ruby's body eased. "It's about... well, it's about you and him. And your relationship."

"Yeah... it's pretty great, isn't it?" Ruby asked dreamily. "Maybe we could find you and Yang people to date. We could go on quadruple dates!"

Right now getting into another relationship was the last thing on Blake's list of priorities. No, she was here to become a huntress. To become a warrior of justice. Social justice.

"Ruby, this isn't easy to say, but being both older and more experienced than you, I just want to let you know what to expect going forward with Jaune."

Wide, eager silver eyes stared at her with anticipation. Blake felt a little bit on the spot as they bored into her. "I'm listening."

Ruby was probably expecting to hear something good. Blake was sad she was about to disappoint her teammate. "You see... boys only want one thing."

"They do?"

The faunus girl nodded. "They do. You see... how do I put this." This was the tricky part. She didn't exactly want to come out and start using clinical terms. That would just be awkward. "Jaune's going to want to... butter your muffin, so to speak."

Ruby didn't seem to mind, and the smile that was already on her face only grew. "I'd love it if Jaune made me breakfast in bed!" she exclaimed. "That's really what all guys wanna do with their girlfriends? That's so romantic! Why aren't you seeing someone and getting in on that action!"

_Because my ex is a psychotic terrorist. _"No, Ruby, that's not what I meant," she said, ignoring the girl's outburst about her own love life. "What I mean is... how do I put this in words you can understand. He's going to want you to play with his joystick."

"Oh that's okay. We already play a ton of video games together."

Blake breathed a heavy sigh. Who knew Ruby could be this innocent? Or dense? Or maybe both? Either way, it looked like she would have to get a bit more vulgar with the younger teen. She could only hope Yang would forgive her for saying such corrupting words to her little sister.

"No..." she sighed. A shake of her head followed. "Oh, Ruby. I might as well just say it. Jaune's going to want to be the one to pop your cherry. Do you get it now?"

"But I prefer strawberries. And I'm totally willing to share with Jaune."

Another harsh breath. Anger was taking hold of the dark-haired girl. Blake snapped. "Sex!" she shouted. "He's going to want to have sex with you!" She made a circle with her thumb and index finger and began to violently thrust her other finger in and out of it. "Do you get it now?"

The outburst left Ruby looking stunned. Blake was sorry it had to come to this, but she needed her friend to understand the magnitude of the position she was in. And once she did, it was bye-bye to the lovey-dovey stuff with Jaune.

"Oh. Oh..."

Blake nodded grimly. "Yeah... see what I mean?"

Ruby nodded in turn. It was starting to dawn on her just what Blake was getting at. What guys, in this case Jaune, would want from her.

"So Jaune wants... that... from me."

"Trust me. He's a guy, and guys-"

"You really think he'd look at me like that?" Ruby asked excitedly.

Ice water ran through Blake's body. Her heart froze. "...what?"

The look of pure glee on Ruby's face was frightening. Blake had expected her to be nervous or scared by the idea of doing adult things with her boyfriend, but Ruby looked somehow... satisfied with the idea of it.

"I mean, you try growing up with an older sister like Yang," Ruby explained. "Hot and blonde. Big boobies. The life of the party..." Her face fell as she went on. "And then there's me. Younger, socially awkward... small Ruby. The girl that no guy ever even glanced at as long as Yang was around stealing all their looks."

Blake had no idea her teammate had been harboring these kinds of feelings. She dared to guess that Yang had no idea either. Ruby did bring up a good point, however. Growing up with an older sister like Yang, it was probably very easy to be overlooked in the romance department. Most people out there would prefer a hot blonde bombshell like Yang over the awkward little sister with the weapon obsession.

She felt bad about stirring up such feelings from her friend. "Ruby, I didn't mean to-"

"I mean, I'm a girl too," she went on. "I have perfectly natural desires. I have needs. I want to look pretty and have guys think I look pretty. But nope, it was always Yang Yang Yang. I never even had a single guy crush on me my entire time at Signal because of her."

This was way too much information for Blake. She hadn't intended to get Ruby's romantic, or in this case, lack of romantic history. All she wanted to do was educate her on the realities of being in an adult, romantic relationship.

"But you really think Jaune would think about me like that?" Ruby asked hopefully. "That he'd think I'm... sexy? Even when there's so many prettier girls around like Yang and Weiss?"

One name had been thoughtlessly left out. That simply wouldn't do. "And one more, right?"

Ruby frowned, eyes glancing up at the ceiling in thought for a moment before it clicked. "Oh, right. Sorry."

"It's o-"

"Pyrrha's really gorgeous too."

Teeth grit together. "No, I meant-"

"And Nora!" Ruby added. "Wow. All those assets in such a tiny package. Nora's got it going on."

"But what about-"

"Even Cinder!" Who? "I mean, talk about an exotic foreign transfer student. Cinder looks so mature for her age. I can hardly believe she's actually a student."

"Ruby, I was actually referring to-"

Blake's protests fell on deaf ears. "Even with all them around, even with two hot redheaded roommates, you think Jaune wants to... do that... with me?" Ruby asked bashfully. The red in her face was definitely not from fear or anger. That was for certain.

"Ruby, um... that's really not the point I was going for..."

The girl in question stood up, rushing over and pulling Blake into a tight hug. One Blake was not feeling too inclined to return. "Thanks, Blake!" she yelled excitedly. Her head came back up so their eyes could meet. "You're the best. Before I was always so self-conscious about my looks. Yang always overshadowed little old me. But now I feel like a really pretty young woman. One sexy enough to make Jaune go wild."

Already cold blood froze in her veins. "No- wait. Ruby. That's really not-"

Ruby pushed away from her and headed toward the door. "I'm gonna go find Jaune now. Thanks, Blake! Tell Yang that me and Jaune are going out tonight. Don't wait up," she added with a suggestive wink.

The door shut behind her leader, and Ruby was gone. Blake sat alone now, and her gaze fell down to her hands which sat folded atop her lap. Fingers nervously fidgeted with each other.

"Yang's going to kill me."

* * *

This was bliss. Pure and utter bliss.

Ruby laid there, the bed sheet snugly covering her bare chest as she rested beside her boyfriend. Jaune was equally as spent as her, his own heaving chest working overtime to catch its breath after what had been a magical and beautiful first physical expression of their love.

A candy cigarette stuck out from her mouth, the redhead sucking on it much like she had another tasty treat that evening. She couldn't believe how perfect today had been. What she and Jaune had shared tonight had simply been the cherry on top. Maybe that was what Blake had meant by that talk about cherries earlier?

As she shifted and turned to snuggle closer to her lover, Ruby thought about just how wonderful her life was. About how wonderful her sister and her friends were.

Weiss had forced her to confront her slacking and immature ways. Ruby would become a far better partner and teammate from now on. Just because she was a prodigy didn't mean she could take it easy. She couldn't take her natural talents for granted. People were depending on her.

Yang had revealed just how much Ruby had in common with her boyfriend. Before many of their similarities had been surface-level and superficial. Now, however, Ruby knew that she and Jaune shared the same deep, passionate dream. By finding out just how much becoming a huntsman meant to Jaune, she felt closer to him than ever before. So close that she had felt zero hesitation expressing her love and desire for the young man as she had this evening.

Speaking of this evening, there was Blake. Sweet, wonderful Blake. The girl who had made Ruby feel confident and brave enough as a woman to take the next step in her relationship with Jaune. And it had been one of the best and most pleasurable experiences of her life. The pure love and adoration which had been expressed by both of them tonight brought joy to Ruby in a way which was simply indescribable.

Yes, truly Ruby had the best friends and sister in the world. Ones who only had her best interests at heart. She would need to think of a way to thank them all.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well that was fun to write! I absolutely adore funny, fluffy Lancaster. I really feel out of anyone in RWBY, Jaune and Ruby would get along best in a relationship. They have so much in common, are so similar in their personalities, interests, goals, etc. They just mesh perfectly, and it's always a joy to write them together.

I hope you all enjoyed this short comedy story as much as I did. As always, thank you for reading. Please let me know your thoughts on it!


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